Propose? My knee hurts, will you just marry me already?!

When you are a Punjabi girl and reach “marriageable age” you find out about relatives you didn’t know existed, they pop out of nowhere to play matchmaker. Suddenly everybody knows someone who has an aunt who knows someone who has a nephew who would be “absolutely perfect” for you!

“Oh I know a boy in Hyderabad, and I think he drives a Ford, oh wait, I think it’s a Honda, one of those!” says an unjustifiably excited aunt. “Get married fast, I’m getting fatter and I don’t want to dance when I’m fatter! You want me to ask in my apartment for boys?” says another, not so excited aunt.

While I get subtle advice on how to dress for the “first meeting”, the aunties talk about boys who have gone to foreign universities and work for umm…who cares as long as they are in foreign lands?!

Then there’s talk of gold and diamonds. Did I mention I dislike gold and diamonds? And there’s talk of white mares on weddings. Suuuure, let’s torture a poor mare with blaring music and loud people, and put a moron who knows nothing about horses on top of it.

My mother received a call the other day. Another aunty (I know too many aunties) said “This boy, he is 29 years old, so perfect for marriage, is a chemical engineer and they have a family business. The house is soooooo beautiful! I told them your daughter is sooooooooo beautiful so will fit perfectly into the house (She doesn’t remember what I look like or my name, just FYI). Oh also, the boy is so sweet, he wants a housewife, but he is willing to allow her to pursue as many hobbies as she wants. I mean, she can paint as many paintings, knit and stitch anything she wants! How nice is that? You don’t have to search anymore at all, you’re getting everything you…… I mean your daughter could ever want!”

Thank you, 29 year old rich chemical engineer who lives in Bangalore in a beautiful house. It is very kind of you to allow me to have hobbies. I have always dreamed of a moron on a white horse who permits me to paint as much as I want. I will just be going shopping now and spending a couple of lakhs on jewelry and silk sarees and diamonds from Africa of course, and then we’ll get married and I’ll paint for you for the rest of my life, k? Oh and since we’re going to do this, I hope you drive a Ferrari and wear Burberry. Otherwise, you know, it’s just not worth me leaving everything and coming to paint for you.

Image courtesy – Flickr