Here’s a collection of the funniest sales pitches I have heard in the last 7 months. I swear I didn’t make any of this up!
Sales guy: Hello, I am Jack from XYZ Consultation Corporation Limited.
Me:Hi, nice to meet you. So what can we do for you Jack?
Sales guy: Well, my company XYZ Consultation Corporation Limited is a leading social media marketing agency and we will manage all your social media platforms from one single integrated software prepared specially by our highly skilled teams. This platform will allow you to manage, schedule and post on all your platforms from one single place!
Me: So you’re trying to sell me Hootsuite?
Sales guy:The what suite?
Sales guy: Hello, I am coming from blahblah.com, we are having an amazing website and lots of traffic, you can advertise with us and guarantee you will get sales.
Me: Ok, can you send me some data on your traffic please? What about Alexa rankings?
Sales guy: We are not having any alexas but please give me chance, I will do that also.
Sales guy:A very good afternoon to you madam, I head the company weareamaz ingsocialmedia.com and manage social media marketing for a large base of multinational clients. We are very interested in your company and would love to work with you on some fantastic branding strategies, and discuss positioning as we are confident that your brands have the potential to reach out to a very large customer base.
Me: Ok, what are some of the brands you work with?
Sales guy: Well, why don’t you tell me what brands your company has?
Me: Seriously? You don’t know our brands? Alright, our brands are a, b, c, d, e and f
Sales guy: Oh cool, so do you have facebook pages for them? Or any facebook page at all?
Me: You didn’t look us up before coming here?: No, but I was sure your engagement will be lower than what we are able to provide. So let’s discuss commercials.
Sales guy: Hi, we are a design agency and we make posters, websites, menu cards etc for many brands. Here’s some of our work.
Me: Ok, some of this is nice. So how come on this signage, everything is in title case and only this one in the middle of it all is in sentence case?
Sales guy: Uhmmm, well, the client wanted it like that.
Me: The client wanted incorrect case in the middle of the signage?
Sales guy: Yes.
*Barges into the office*
Sales guy: Hello, I am from yaddayadda.com website and would like to review your restaurants.
Me: Uhh, hi, please take a seat and tell me a little bit more about your website.
Sales guy: Well, yaddayadda.com writes about food and stuff so can you tell me about your restaurants and stuff.
Me: Umm, what would you like to know?
Sales guy: Like what are the dishes and prices and stuff. And also I brought my camera so I will go to your restaurant and take photos now. Also I want a copy of your menu card.
Me: I’m sorry, by policy we don’t allow photography in the restaurants, and we don’t hand out our menu cards.
Sales guy: Why? I have put all other restaurants stuff on the website. You can check yaddayadda.com
Me: I can’t seem to find your website. I don’t think it exists. *Prepares to call security*
Sales guy: *Grabs my laptop and types for a few mins.* Oh here it is, sorry I told you the wrong name. The website I work for is yaddayaddaonline.com.
Image courtesy – Flickr