You want a design you say?

I work with designers day in and day out. I have learned more about design working with this amazing species, than I ever did “studying design” in college. Here are the 5 major types of designers I have encountered:

1. THE MEEP SHEEP

This kind of designer just sits there being meep all the time and pretty much does what he/she is told to do. Do not ever make the mistake of sitting this designer down with your client/brand managers/people who do not deal with them on a daily basis. There will be a big fat fail. “Change this font here to black, make this one bold, move this so it aligns with nothing. Cut out this spring roll, turn it 180 degrees, change its colour to red and place it in this corner. I don’t like the sauce in the bowl, make it so that it looks like it’s dripping off the spring roll.” You will have what ends up looking like a dead rat roll with spots of blood. Do not put this ad in the paper!

2. THE RAH-RAH ROWDY

These kind of designers fight to their last breath for every piece of unholy design they create. Adobe would pack up and go home if they were to see how their software were being abused. Whether you try to have a decent conversation with them, graduate to a shouting match, or have to reason with them through a glass wall, you always stand the risk of having something flung at you if you so much as peep about their design. Just be careful never to say anything about their hair to them, or you’ve had it.

3. THE EXTORTIONIST

These designers know they’re good. They know they’re very good. They know clients will pay in trays of Kingfisher beer for their work. Or cash, whatever. These are the designers that will try to sneak a steal out of you for anything you ask them.

Me under crazy pressure to send out an artwork: Could you resize this file to these dimensions please?

Designer: Kinda busy playing Temple Run right now, don’t bother me.

Me: ARGH! I’ll buy you a brownie, just PLEASE RESIZE THIS IMAGE!

Designer: K.

4. THE I CAN’T WAIT TO GET NOWHERE

These guys know ALL the shortcuts in the world. Can you place this logo here, add this text here, replace this line and save a jpeg file for me please?” At this point you dare not drop your pencil, because if you bend down to pick it up, you will raise your head up to a jpeg file that you absolutely did not ask for. And, they would have closed the source file and moved onto their next task. When working with this kind of designer, make sure you have washed your face, drank a bottle of water and been to the girl’s room because you need to not.even.blink. when you work with them. Be warned, these are the kind of designers who will hang every computer in the office, and keep fidgeting around in their seats and make you worry they have ants in their pants, because Illustrator does not save a 20 GB file quickly enough for them.

5. SORRY I CAN’T WALK. I DON’T HAVE ANKLETS

You’ll never, ever get anything done working with these designers. Sorry, don’t have the font, can’t do your design. Sorry, the A/c is not working, can’t do your design. Sorry, don’t have the image. Sorry, don’t have the colour. Sorry, it’s time for lunch. Sorry, my girlfriend just got a new phone. :-l

Have an interesting designer story? Tell me here!

Image courtesy – Flickr

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